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Thread: The Note

  1. #1
    too good to be true
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    The Note


    To whom this may concern, I am putting my life to an end
    I've never recieved a helpful hand, never had a best friend
    Never held someone close by my side, besides my dear Emily
    Yet even she never heard my cries, as well as none of my pleas
    So please, I ask nicely ...will someone comfort her in my death
    Make sure she's happy all the time, and never loses her final breath
    She was the best, but we drifted away these past few years
    Had an argument over a baby, both of us nearly drowned in tears
    All of our peers would tell us of how a beutiful couple we looked
    But in reality, we would fight over silly things like who would cook
    And I took things away from her, treated her badly for awhile
    Stole her money, beat her, even rape a few times ..all with a smile
    I was in denial, there was nothing wrong with what i was doing
    Not any of the pain i caused her, nor the pain i was pursuing
    But through all this loving hate, Emily couldnt negate the fact
    That me and her were meant for each other ..no strings attached
    So when she left me for Matt ..I was shocked as well as apauled
    So she'd been lieing when she told me she'd stick with me through it all
    For the first few months, I never called ..hopefully she'd come back
    But she never did ..and in my desperate attempts, she never called back
    And after all that, I wanted nothing more then to end her life
    It was drastic, I know ..but nothing hurts more then a hating wife
    I attempted murder, but the attempt just stayed at that
    It was aimed directly at her ..I just didnt have the strength to pull the gat
    I punked out, and somehow she found out about my attempts, or so she claims
    And right then I realized that there was no one besides myself to blame
    It was a damn shame, cuz I sort of enjoyed the life i was living
    Getting drunk during the day ..and during the night, pursuing women
    Everyday I was sinning, there was no reason to do better
    And that same reason is the reason I am writing this letter
    So please, dont think of me as a good person, cuz i'd disagree
    But rather remember me ..as the husband of Emily
    - Craig



    The note was laying on his stomach, a revolver in his hand
    And I was standing over the person who was once entitled my man
    It didnt go smoothly as planned, I accidently left smudges on the letter
    And erased some of the words in an attempt to making it better
    But it turned out decent, nobody realized or suspeted a thing
    And this was just simply payback from all the drama he'd bring
    We were just a fling anyway, in fact, i threw away our ring
    Ever since u tried to kill me ..all those kisses meant nothing
    You treated me terribly, called me a bitch in every single chat
    We said till death do us part ..I'm simply following through with that
    So being glad of ur death is something even you would have to agree
    And now I just pray nobody realizes the writer was actually ..ME

  2. #2
    too good to be true
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    Last edited by Automatic.; January 30th, 2006 at 12:42 AM

  3. #3
    too good to be true
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    Links posted.

    Rise

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    deep stuff ere.. propz 2 u hun... it all went well throughout da whole of it.. u had good vocabulary in it 2.. it flowed very well 2.. keep at it hun.. niice work...1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  5. #5
    too good to be true
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    Thanks.

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yeah this was quite a good read, reminded me of countless poems i've writ in the past on htis issue, i liked the way you described the aftermath.....nice emotion, aight flow-went off some times- but still aight.......Keep at it

    Can ya also drop some feed on this, thanks
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268538

  7. #7
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    For me this was an original piece, cuz it is the first “note” like form piece ive read, and the note part of it was very well written and realistic. While reading it, I was interested to keep reading just to see the conclusion to the note. With in the note you had good wordplay,vocab, flow etc. made the note itself obviously a lil more complex than it would if it was for real, but yet that’s ok cuz u put ur written skills into it, which obviously makes the overall piece better. Now for the ending..totally took me away, caught me off guard, and actually made it much more exciting….i thought u worded it very nicely and overall did a great job of tie’n it all 2gether..i actually went back and read the note part again 2 see if there were ne clues of u bein the killer …so ya very nice drop, good exciting piece …KEEP UPS!! (hit up my piece …link in sig) thanx

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Automatic.
    Thanks.
    kool...1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  9. #9
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    wow....it was so deep i wanna cry.........keep spittin homie it was dope.......10/10

  10. #10
    too good to be true
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    Thanks for the feed everyone, I left feedback on those who left links..

    Rise.

  11. #11
    J.Christ
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    Not even gone quote ya shit, the whole piece was on point .

    2 thumbs up sonny, The imagery was nice i give that shit 4 stars.
    Wordplay .. hmm . It was aiight .

    No emotional feelings came from me on this verse though.
    Keep it up . maybe you might be on my level .
    Ok slugger

  12. #12
    too good to be true
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    lol at "might be on my level". Thanks, yo.

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Black Hornet's Avatar
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    this was an overall good piece. i liked your flow and your context.
    you rap for real! this was quite shocking actually.
    well done and keep at it.

  14. #14
    too good to be true
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    Thanks.

    Rise.

  15. #15
    too good to be true
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    Leave links.

    Bump

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